You typedd*:
blog
(Thursday, December 9, 2010-)
+7:41:00 PM]*
# im only a stepping stone away from hell....correct?-
why...of all the people it have to be you? u filled my thoughts every day, every single hour every single minute...nothing but you... never in my life have i been this affected by a silly relationship. and never in my life have i chose to let it affect me.
i dunnoe if it is the work of my mind or... but i just want to go to sleep everytime i got nothing to do... i realized, i am more happy when im dreaming...i realized you were there beside me every night....
have been getting discouraged most of the time when im home, the time when i had nothing to do, nothing to occupy my mind with something else.....realized im the only fool waiting for something extraordinary to happen....just when....just when will all of this comes to an end?
hated the sight of my phone as the days goes by...hated it a lot more than i thought....hated it till it scares me....i dare not wake up to the day you leave me...dare not open my eyes to shed tears again...dare not think about you even if it means remembering you...dare not mention your name at any point of time or even dare to continue the conversation talking about you....as long as it concerns you, it will just left me stranded...left me staring into space, wondering, why are you in my life in the first place............
would i rather a sweet lie about you loving me? or the cruel truth about you not needing me anymore? i do not know......need your help real badly....but i cant rely on you anymore...
the story ends like this;
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(Wednesday, December 8, 2010-)
+7:09:00 PM]*
# short break then...-
as the days goes by, you moved further away...right now the distance that you and i had created was so far that i can no longer run to you as and when i wanted...i can no longer hug you to seek for comfort anymore....nor can i see you smile even for that few seconds....
those words you said to me were so harsh that it hurts real badly... and i wonder, if the tears im shedding now comes from you or the pain... everything that i had hope to give and for you to be happy, will no longer be there now that you found no peace, no comfort and happiness in me....what else can i do but to let you go? now that you had asked for me to get off you back for awhile, i was left stranded for quite awhile now....
broke down in the middle of the lesson....and i knew, there is nothing else i can do anymore....surprisingly, the people that i did not talk to much came foward to comfort me....thank you...
i asked God for the strength to stand up once more...and i asked for patience and faith....but i know, deep down in my heart, i am still breaking apart....
you were really the last person i have expected to ask me to get lost....never once have that thought crossed my mind....never....
the only way to get close to you now is through my dreams....all the dreams were so sweet and happy...the last dream that i had was us enjoying ourselves, with you smiling and laughing happily....and in my dream, i could still rmb myself asking you if everything its over...and you told me its all the past now...
the story ends like this;
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(Monday, December 6, 2010-)
+12:57:00 PM]*
# u knew i was hurt...but...u still went away-
everything is still the same. though you promised that we'll talk about us...i noe you wun.right now, all im hoping for is for you to take the initiative move...bt in order to do that, i guess the relationship have to mean alot to you first, before you call me out...just like the first few days.you were super sensitive to my moods, my feelings and my happiness...super attentive to everything i said and do....even the littlest comment i made, you could rmb and at the end of the day, you'll messaged me telling me everything is going to be alright...u dun do such stuffs anymore...even if it meant not messaging for the whole day, you seemed fine. i still cant believe that the stress that im causing you, would cause u to change 180 like that...they sound more like an excuse. but what can i do. starting to hate love now....
the story ends like this;
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(Friday, December 3, 2010-)
+11:55:00 PM]*
# its time.....-
dreamt of you thrice...everyone all noes that you doesnt like me anymore...and im the only one not knowing....but....i didnt get to hear it from you face to face....that was what i dreamt last night...today, finally received a message from him at 5 plus noon. it wasnt a good one...he is gg away and would only be back on sun...that means he wun be here during our anni. called him...sounded cold and hanging up was all he wanted....deep down wondering if all the things he said is true. said he would talk after he comes back....thats all he said. but im guessing, break up is what he wanted to tell me. and im ready for it. Dear God, please give me the strength to overcome this again...just this one last time....please be there for me....let all this be done once and for all....and may this day be the last day i cry....whatever happens, i would still like to thank you for giving me this precious lesson...because i know, one lesson is never enough...and i hope, this would be the last, till the day i die. Amenits 12....my third r/s lasted for 3 months. all the best....
the story ends like this;
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(Thursday, December 2, 2010-)
+9:14:00 AM]*
# -
from the time i woke up till the time i reached sch....i kust cant help but to think of us...ever since i enter this sch, nth seems to be going smoothly for me....it seems like everytime i wake up for sch, my face would be always asking for trouble....and yeah...dk why i allow my love life to be the deciding factor for my mood. i didnt bring phone out...had it switched off yesterday...i guess, this comfort me alot. atleast, i wun be looking at my phone and feeling so sour whenever he doesnt reply...but even if so, not getting my message or not having my replies doesnt mean a thing to you at all....1937despite all the messages i have send and all the things i have been trying to tell you, you just refused to reply...since yesterday till now, not a single message from you. no matter how hard i tried to control myself from messaging you, wanting to know what you are doing, i just could not help but to send you those prideless message. and all you did was to ignore my messages. if im tat worthless to you, why dun u just let me go. i rather you tell me the truth rather than neglecting me like im nothing.i dint want to break with you at this point of time...becos i din want to hurt you, that is if i really matters to you. i dint want you to think that i had abandon you cos of you not having any money now...though i doubt that you dun. i prayed every single time i missed him....asking God what is going on...its really hurting me.....where are you....i really need you.....
the story ends like this;
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(Wednesday, December 1, 2010-)
+6:30:00 PM]*
# set me free from this agony will you?-
u finally came to see me...when i first started receiving your usual cold messages with just three words, i thought, it would be another long day for me to get over with your cold attitude...but two hours later, u asked if you could come...you should have seen the face i had and i couldnt help but get so excited that i dunnoe what to do next....many questions kept popping up, such as wld you come hugging me tightly the moment you see me, or would you start saying hw much you have missed me...
but sadly, none of them happen...you just kept burying your head into your arms sitting there...i wanted to hug you, to tell you that everything is going to be alright...but, dk why, the space you gave me just now was just too big...the next thing i notice was, you werent wearing the key....my heart sank...you told me it was confiscated...i din noe whether or not to believe you..and the next thing i knew was, the only hope that i had...the only thing that still keeps me smiling was destroyed...you told me you had to go in for 9 days, during the christmas....everything happen way too fast...and all of the bad things just keep coming in...first her, your mum, then dylan...next your car then your father....all of them...just have to be the priority while im the last... i really dun mind being the last...but the way you treat the last, is just way too hurting....its like, dun mean a thing to you at all...
tried to tell you how i felt, but the only reply you gave was to agree with me that we are really drifting away from each other and you told me you cant think of such things anymore....
have been crying for days becos of this...and i cant turn to anyone at all....i woke up with reluctance every morning...dreading to see my phone showing only the time, and without any new messages from you....its getting more and more painful for me to survive the whole day putting a fake smile and draining out my inner energy just to push you away from my mind....its so different from the way we first started out together....now, you are acting like a selfish jerk...how painful that the feeling you now give is the same as the ones lh gave to me....
now reading the letter you gave to me seems pointless now...the fact that you told me you din noe whether those words you written for me is still valid...and i doubt you remember the things you said to me.
why are you being so selfish?
what am i suppose to do...
how am i suppose to face this alone....
the story ends like this;
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