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(Monday, November 29, 2010-)
+9:49:00 PM]*
# so tired....-
was hoping for things to turn out fine for him...but i guess things gets worst instead. i do not know why, but i had the sudden thought that he might blame it on the key he is wearing it ard him...seeing how superstitious he is abt the necklace his mum got for him...im getting more worried that our beliefs will become a barrier for us...He is not replying me again..sometimes, i really feel that im just a doormat....i guess, blooger will be my talking mate from now le....please tell me when will this end?
the story ends like this;
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(Sunday, November 28, 2010-)
+10:13:00 PM]*
# im losing you baby....-
how nice it would be if you were with me...totally no messages or any calls from you the whole day...
you told me to have faith in you,
told me to trust in you and not doubt you...
said you get stress all the time when i assumed and asked questions...
really tried very hard not to imagine stuffs anymore...but you are making it harder for me as the weeks goes by....
you never answered me anymore
you call me no more
you dun seem to miss me at all...cos you never said it...in the past, you always tell me you'll do when we dun get to see each other for only a day....this time, its a week...but...
really want to know whats happening...really wished i could be part of your life...to share the sorrows with you...but u never did....all i could do these few weeks is to keep guessing...and guessing...hoping again and again for you to open up...praying for us to be happy once more....
guess deep down, im waiting for you to say that word....if your feeling has started fading, tell me...i'll really let you go...
"for awhile, you made it better...but now like today, you started fight......"
never will i forget this sentence and never have i felt this pain before....i cried throughout the whole night yearning for you....and I couldnt stop but to break into tears again when you finally replied me early in the morning ending with this sentence.....
everything seems to clear up more and more......im the least important in your life....nothing really matters even if it means losing me...i guess, i had put too much hope in this relationship, like the others....and i guess, i had chosen the wrong path again....whatever the case is, i hope You are alright....really want to tell you how much i had miss you...but i guess you wun be needing it anymore....
Dear Lord, i pray and and i beg again....
please do not let me remain at where i am, now....
help me reach to the place you want me to be....
please, just dun abandon me....nobody wants me anymore....i feel so alone...
take my worries away will You?
in Jesus name I pray, Amen
the story ends like this;
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(Friday, November 26, 2010-)
+10:31:00 PM]*
# please tell me its not true at all...-
till now, i seriously cant figure out this feeing that i have been having recently.
its bitter and sad..and all of them were about you....
many questions have been running through my mind and all i could do was to reassure myself by thinking of the things you said to me...you told me you **** me...and you wouldnt do such things to hurt me. but im not sure whether this sentence is still valid or not....
first time in this week, he hadnt told me he missed me. messages exchanged were super cold...if not, there wouldnt be any continuation at all.
"if i were to tell you all this, you would say that im a girl who aint easy to be pleased."
but what else can i do...this is me...sigh
tml is my assesment day...i really hope you will be there to support me...but i guess...you wun turn up after all...lets not keep my hopes too high then....
the story ends like this;
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(Tuesday, November 23, 2010-)
+5:14:00 PM]*
# cut of the signal to my brain, i want to stop crying-
please teach me what to do...why am i facing the same problems again? when can i finally get out?it would only take a dumb person to be oblivious to the changes in you this past few weeks. im not a retard and neither am i blind. its obvious that you no longer care about this relationship anymore..and im tired of guessing why. i have tried means and ways to make everything possible. but its really tiring and hopeless when you dun even want to try. its even more painful for me to derive to an answer that another girl has taken up the space in you and thus your attitude towards me. all i hope for is, to not be so cruel to me by keeping all this to yourself. let me go if im not the one you really want. stop torturing me like they did. and i swear to God, after this relationship, there wun be another one. this is so painful...p.s:i noe you do not care anymore....[repost]2234sitting on the bed..hugging the bear you bought for me....and i wish, that the bear is you...talking to him seems fun...but it would even be better if he could respond =( and as i wished for him to talk, i asked him a couple of questions that i longed to ask You...i asked him what his master is doing now...because i miss him so much....
i asked him why his master have been so moody and cold towards me....and i hope everything would just be back to normal...
i asked him if his master still loves me as much as he said in the letter...because im afraid, he doesnt anymore ='(
i asked if his master still misses me..because he doesnt call me anymore....=''(
i asked if his master is cheating on me, because im really scared that my dreams would come true ='''(
and.........
i asked him if his master would be my future...but there and then, i really hope the bear wouldnt ans me..at all...
still looking at the hp screen...hoping to see your face pops up in my screen....really wished you would call....but it seems to me that you have been so tired everyday since your birthday....now, you would exchange not more than two sentences with me....im really scared....
i miss you...but you are really making it harder for me every single day, without letting my thoughts run wild....
its so hard to trust you now....i guess...you really do not care about me anymore...
the story ends like this;
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(Wednesday, November 10, 2010-)
+9:24:00 PM]*
# give me the courage to say goodbye Lord....-
ever since you shouted at me infront of so many people...i realised that you do not love me as much as i thought you did.when we were dating, i could really feel you care and concern for me. even when i cry, you would get so anxious and sad at the same time....and after that, you would find means and ways to cheer me up...at that time, i thought, my nightmares is ending soon...when we finally got together, you treat me even better. but as the week goes by, i could your patience running out...and your temper came out... you once told me that you would never ever raise your voice at me as long as it would make me cry. but you still did it anyway...this time, my tears doesnt seem to break your heart anymore. infront of you, my tears started falling, and you continue to yell at me. this time, you didnt even apologise....you use to call me whenever you are free..now, no calls from you at all...even your messages to me isnt sweet anymore....they were more cold and uncaring..and at times, you wouldnt even bother to reply... recently your time for me is just so little...but it does not bother you much....you no longer care about our meet ups anymore.....i dun think you love me that much anymore.....
the story ends like this;
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(Tuesday, November 2, 2010-)
+7:25:00 PM]*
# take me away....-
hands are very cold right now. i really find no meaning in lliving on. whats the use. i dun even noe what are the things that can make me happy anymore. and it seems like there is nothing, that would make me miss the world if given a choice to leave. u dun care at all. u had eyes for everybody out there...and it wld never be me unless i block them all out. why am i even in a relationship with someone whom i do not know at all. just cause he seems better and more normal than the others doesnt mean i should be with him. so what if i love him. what is love? love is nothing at all. yeah love is nothing at all. money and the others are more important. love cant feed you anyway. i want to give up. i want to live normally. i want to stop crying for guys. i want to start smiling more. i want to stop getting cold hands. i want to stop worrying for useless people. i want to stop living.
the story ends like this;
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(Monday, November 1, 2010-)
+11:15:00 PM]*
# on the verge of giving up....-
having you by my side for the whole night is a great feeling. not sure about you, but i was very reluctant to go to sleep as I noe that I might never get the chance to do this again with you.overall,i felt that i was the one telling you and ordering you to do things my way. till now, i am not very sure about you wanting to stay over. i do nt noe whether you enjoyed as much as I do and neither do i noe whether you like it or not.till now, i still have this feeling that we are still not very close. u seem to have things being hidden up which you do not want me to know. i am so confused about us. i really hate it when you flare up at me. I really dunnoe how long i could last. But then again i ask, if any of my feelings and our future really matters to you. becos all day long, you have been drafting up plans and talking non stop about your mum, your bro, your frens and your career. nothing much abt us. and if im nt wrg, i heard you saying that you will want to go overseas and this decision would depends on whether we are still together or not. not like our relationship is the crucial factor. i noe...its not and never will be the deciding factor. am i not right baby?me choosing to bottle things up not because i wanted to make your life difficult. i felt that it is more harder for me to be telling you problems when you never listened at all. you had no idea how badly i wanted to tell you how i feel about us, our future and such. please tell me what to do baby...i really do not want to break down the third time again. its torturing...today is the first time you send me home so early without my parents asking me to. yeah...i was very. very dissapointed. not sure whether the pain in your gum really makes you want to go home or was it because of your frens. becos the last tme you had your operations on your gum, you refused to let me go home becos you wanted more time with me. does this means that we had too much time for each other? i dun think u need me that much anymore as compared to the first month.
the story ends like this;
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