(Sunday, October 24, 2010-)
+11:09:00 PM]*

# tell me when you finally hear my silence-

when i first get to know you, i thought you were just another hi-bye friend....
when you started asking me out the frequently, i thought you were just bored...
and when you started telling me about your past, i though you were very lonely...
however, on the 3rd of sep....u told me you like me....and i thought...it was just a temporial thought of yours...

on the first day, the day we got together...for some reason, i had this urge to tell to break away as friends...but for yet another reason, i didnt want to. till now, i still do not know whats the reason....


during the times we spend together, i felt like a different person..u were the first guy who was able to made me smile countless of times in a day and were also able to make me cry within one second...my mood has always been very influential towards the way you behave and talk around me....i can be smiling when u treated me like a princess....i can also be smiling even when u got angry with me for talking to another guy...


it has been a month plus and despite the daily meet ups we had, i still feel that i doesnt noe you that much at all....as much as i tried, it would only get worse....i wanted to know why you are always so stress up...but u never fail to tell me that you do not know also. even when i was with you, you never once share with me your problems....so how was i suppose to noe u better if u are so close up?


fact is, u do not really need me at all...with or without me, it doesnt make a difference at all...you do not need me at all when u are down. and you do not even need my advice to anything...you never agrees with me with anything....arguement and doubt was all you had....u never need me to take care of you at all....all you did was to push me away....


truth is, i was very unhappy and hurt...was hurt at the way you are behaving around me....hurt at the things you are doing....hurt that you never did draw a clear line between your present and past....hurt that you are still keeping the things you shared with her....hurt that you needed other people more....hurt that you never needed me with anything at all....


today, i saw the album again...and this time, they were taken out and the plastic bag that use to contain it, were folded and packed nicely aside. if you had no intention in sending the photos back, why lie to me? if u had the intention in sending back, why left it out on the table? im seriously done with you and her nonsense le...im done.... i give up...no use getting angry when u do not even care at all.no use telling you about the things that made me sad when u are not even listening at all..


during the first week, i saw this couple lab plastic bag at the back of your boot....and then the following day, the receipt was on the floor, next to your table. it was from the couple lab too....and it was dated on the august...if they do came from the little bear, does this mean that you were lying to me?


you may find it ridiculous that i was getting paranoid over nothing...but try putting yourself in my shoes....me talking to another guy was not at a big deal compared to you talking on the phone with her all the time. not a big deal at all as compared to you exchanging text with her...it was definitely not a big deal as compared to you keeping the naked photos of you guys, kissing....nothing at all as compared to you keeping the photos of her and other girls in the fb...freaking nothing at all as compared to you putting photo of her as dp on the msn!

stop getting angry with me when u urself are doing it. u flare at me 2 times. and two times you made me cry. im just afraid that the next time you do that, i'll just go and never come back.....and maybe...at that point of time, you will realise, im not the one you want at all...

the story ends like this;
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(Thursday, October 14, 2010-)
+10:37:00 PM]*

# i need the map to heaven fast-

maybe u dun even need me at all....

- i'll never try to give advice anymore..not cut out to be that 'someone' either.
-i'll always made things worst for you
- i couldnt even let you smile properly even while you are with me, u just told me my face make you smile...and I had to thank the Father who had given me that face.

- nothing i say ever make sense to you...or rather, you never bothered listening anyway
- couldnt capture your attention too...maybe other's can...so i'll just take my leave whenever you are down...
- there will always be silence...as long as you are with me....

When u worry, u'll get irrittatin. and when u dun worry, you are heartless...
when u care, u'll get annoying. and when u dun, you are selfish...
when u talk too much, it'll lead to quarrels...and when u dun, he'll think you are moody...
when u pour out yur troubles, he'll be stressed. and when u dun, u are not being honest.
when u drink, u are alcoholic. and when u dun, you are a pussy
when u smoke, you think you are cool. and when u dun, you are a loser
when u put on makeup, u 'are a fake'. and when u dun, you are ugly

just so hard to please human.
let me up lehh. i dun want to live here....

the story ends like this;
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(Thursday, October 7, 2010-)
+5:22:00 PM]*

# sorry heart.....-

looking back at how my life has been, convinces me even more to just give up on everything.
questions i had long wanted to ask You is just so impossible for me say them here.


to the guy, whom i thought would be my life long partner.....

why cant you just understand? when would you? why...till this point, nothing can ever change your heart? in what way do you not understand that i had once love you so. the email you've just send just tells me that you never loved me before. selfish love i say....yes....it is...

the only spoiled tape i chose to kept was on the day of my birthday....you brought me tears, tears i would rather have than those hot fierce tears...till now, i can never forget the way you look at me when i opened up the presents. you seem unconfident and yet smiled like a small 5 year old boy. the first thing i noticed were not the packaging nor the presents you bought for me...it was the straw hearts you fold for me..i knew you didnt noe how to fold. and i remembered myself teaching you how to fold. you got frastruated.....but right then, there laying infront of me were a pool of red hearts...99 hearts..all folded so neatly and nicely. they were pricless.....real priceless.....



if hating me is the only way that can make you forget me....then i shall let you do that....i'll let you slap...if thats what you want.....take care....

the story ends like this;
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(Wednesday, October 6, 2010-)
+10:29:00 PM]*

# hurt-

today was the first day you shouted at me.
that feeling I had just now, seems so familiar and yet, so painful...very painful....


you once told me that you would never shout at me...becos, you knew, that would only make me cry....


couldnt stop crying now.....

the story ends like this;
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(Tuesday, October 5, 2010-)
+10:52:00 PM]*

# new start....-

its been a month or so...and i asked myself, if this is really what i wanted...you dun seem to have much opinion in anything...nothing at all...before we were together, i thought you were the guy that cares for even the slightest detail....maybe time do makes a difference...do not whether it was me being demanding or it was just the way you are...the feeling that i use to have seems to be dissapearing.


since the day we met, we have been out together everyday. things have to be changed expecially since im not allowed to go out at all...i do not know why, but..i seem to be more affected than you...and you, dun seem to mind a bit at all..

the story ends like this;
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