You typedd*:
blog
(Monday, May 17, 2010-)
+11:10:00 PM]*
# i hate you-
160510Everyday, i woke up with my eyes closed. For fear to see your absent calls and messages. And that’s, already a bad start. I do not know how I could take my mind off the very fact that you could neglect me so much without feeling guilty. Or was it because, I have not earn that centre spot in your heart?
Every day I thought to myself, whether you would surprise me by coming over to my place and tap my window. Not to tell me that you are here to accompany me but to show that you had missed me.
People tell me that couples should not be seeing each other that often as it drains away the couple’s sparks and passion. I was scared for a moment that It might happen to us, but later on, I realise that even I f i want to avoid it…I never have to…because I never did get that chance to drain away whatever we have within us.
Between the both of us, we both know that there is a thin wall build in between us. And that is, communication. I had once naively thought that as long as we still love each other, no other problems can ever separate us. And this temporary bridge I build for us, have started to collapse. And I, were on it, still trying to hold on to your hands as long as I could last. I cried to you, but you never once notice that I am in danger. You never once looked at me nor hear my cries but I am still willing to wait, for I know that you would turn away from them and reached out for me.
A year had passed, and my hands are aching already. I thought of a few excuses to comfort myself by thinking that you might have been too tired to notice anything. You might have been too busy with your things that it allowed you to missed my cries I sent out. And, I thought to myself that, you might not have received any of them at all.
Despite all the discouragements I received, I know I should trust you…and followed you. and that is what I did…though ironically, I kept doubting you. and at the same time, I received yet another blow that could have discouraged me…you said that there is no way you could have understand me any longer. You told me you had a hard time talking to me. This very sentence then question me again, why do I still want to hold on to this relationship when it has been so clear that there is no hope anymore?
People can always ask me what do I like about you? and I know, you too do not have any answer to that.
I am always aware of how many friends I have. but instead of comforting me, you told me that I was just being anti social…..
I just want to be comfortable around you. I just want to be cared with or without you by my side. And I just wanted to be safe in your arms when nothing ever goes right.
If It would to mean losing you once more to gain all of your love again…I would do it. but I know, once I let you go, you will never come back anymore.
And now, I just want to sleep…and never get to open my eyes filled with tears…I just want to leave this painful world quietly and never cry again. can i?
170510 waited for your message but it never came. we had once again got seperated. But you wasnt affected by it.
called you in the morning. but you threw me an irritated tone at me and told me you are tired and wanted to sleep. why? why are you so heartless?
i cried till my eyes were swollen and puffy. but i all i had in mind was why do i get to be treated in this manner by you?? of all people but you?
you said you would come down and we'll talk. but it seems more to be eating. you did not bother to mention anything about the break up. what makes me cry even more was when you did not bother to ask for the reasons why i wanted a break up..
i told myself since you do not care a thing, then i just let you be. but i really could not do it. why am i so cheap? why did i lower my standard and ruin my own reputation? i was aware of how little he value me. i really am aware of it. but what can i do? i really hated his heart.
its 22:57... but i had not receive any replies from him. am i that worthless in his heart? why? why am i always the one waiting for his reply while he is out enjoying himself.
23:08
you called. but when i asked about us, you got irritated. you like being friends with me for now. im jsut a toy for you
the story ends like this;
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