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(Saturday, October 24, 2009-)
+9:30:00 PM]*
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It is 10.03 am, and I am at home doing my revision. Hais…was suppose to go out studying at expo..but I did not have enough money. Thought of going rp, but the library closes at 1 pm.
Things did not go according to my plan. Well..it aint the first time.
My eyes were quite swollen, because of all the cryings last night. Maybe that is another reason why I did not wan to go out studying bah. Despite all these sufferings…he did not care…no message sent by him…a call from him which acts like nothing have happened before…I hate him
10.53am
He called…and I call back..manage to pick up his call..and the tone was…so cold…both of us did not know what to say. i do not know why my heart always have that little space to forgive him when deep down in my heart I know I still hate him. I guess…I still love him bahhh..(does this means that if I do not forgive him, I do not love him anymore?)
Went out with him. but things din went that smoothly as planned. I dunnoe why either. many things have been happening and yet, I have to put on a fake mask.
Maybe to you, I am just a girl who wants nothing but an ideal boyfriend?
Maybe to you, I do not care about a thing…
Maybe to you, I am nothing but a girl with a nasty temper who does not seem to care about a thing but myself?
Maybe to you, im just a girl who needs nothing but guys to surround me?
Maybe to you, I am a girl who might leaves you anytime?
Maybe to you, love is nothing to me?
My dear boy, u might not have said them verbally to me, but deep down in your frail heart, you are scared… every little things you do, every little action u display, tells it all. I may not be the one who understands you well, but I will be the one to solve all the little puzzles you set unknowingly…
Today, I have given up…listen to my words carefully, that’s all I ask of you. stop playing with the words I beg of you. things you are not clear of, tell me…and I am most willing to tell you the meanings hidden in between the words I said.
Today, you told me that you are tired of quarrelling, you told me that you are tired and you said that you have tried to make peace. Today, you told me that I was the one not listening to you. today, you told me to put myself into your own shoes and asked If I am willing to switch roles?
Hear the words you are saying my dear boy, you are not talking about things you wanted to say. you are not talking things you want to hear. Every single words u say, pierced through my heart like never before. Every single comments you make, makes me want to cry. I no longer knew who I am anymore. I no longer knew what I am anymore… I no longer know what the things I wanted to do anymore. What makes it worst was, I no longer know why I love you anymore.
you asked me whether I would want to switch roles with you, my answer to you was yes…I am at most willing to switch roles with you. infact, I had wanted so much for a person to lead me, someone whom I can look up to, someone whom I can rely on, someone whom I can lean on at almost any time. I wanted it so much to the extent that I actually treated you the way I wanted to be treated.
But you never see the pain and the intentions i have. All you see were things that are visible. All you see were things, that any other ordinary people would see.
My dear boy, when a couple comes together, it takes more than love to understand what it really means to be their life long partner. I tried to understand you through your heart despite the fake mask i faced everyday. i was so disappointed with you because you never understand this point. when I told you that u see things through your eyes alone, you do not understand me at all. I gave you time which I have never gave before. For months, I have been waiting for you to understood this point, but you never did.
To you, your life long partner have to be someone who can make you happy all the time. but you have not stop to understand this point about being happy when the ones you love is really happy.
Think about this, when you said you are happy for me…were you really? I hope I am wrong. But I know I am not. do you really love me?
the story ends like this;
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