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(Thursday, October 8, 2009-)
+8:42:00 PM]*
# am i a person in their eyes?-
Didn’t go sch today..due to some stupid reasons…skip sch for two days.. and this wasn’t what I had in mind during the holidays..
I was so determined to work hard and not skipped schools ever since that day I checked my GPA. 2.6. this wasn’t what I want at all. getting it to 3 .5 + aint easy for me when both my math and sciences aint strong. All I can do for the time being was just to rely solely on myself and also on how I perform in class..
Today, we patched again..i have never want to leave you. but looking at the rate we are going, I am not as confident as before anymore. I have to lead and have to rely on myself to take care of problems and worst, I have to solve them myself… has this got to do with the age? Has this problem got to do with the way we think due to age? I really dunnoe.
I noe that if I were to say this outloud in front of you, you will be very much hurt by my words. I am really scared that we may not last that long. Due to the fact that you were very unhappy with me…
I really hope that u had meant every single word u said to me this afternoon. U said that u will use your actions to prove to me that everything will go back as per normal. Will we? Will we be the same again? how about the problems? You told me that you will try to solve them. But you also said that by solving them, we will have to say them all out. However the PROBLEM with you is, you have NEVER thought of telling me anything at all. you said that it will upset the both of us and will quarrel. But If you do not say them, what am I suppose to do then? Am I suppose to keep guessing and then end it with quarrels? I dunnoe. Really.
Had dinner at home. but something happen again. hais. When being told that dinner was ready,Jeremy sprang up and went off to get his own plate and utensils. I was very upset with that. aint that a selfish thing to do? so I told him off by asking him why hadn’t he take our plates too?
He: 我 这么知道你们也要吃？
He then drop his plate hardly on the dining table. I was already very upset with his disresectfyl behaviour. All becos of that incident on Monday. he wasn’t very happy with me till now. im am his sis and yet, I have to get all these treatments from them both. What can I do but to keep quiet since no one was on my side?
After that, he then went to get the other utensils. I was abit happy that he had atleast listen to me. but when I got to the table, I realise that he had only take two sets of utensils. He left out mine.
I really dunnoe wat to say. I feel like crying and yet..i carn. So I went of to took mine quietly. i didn’t want to sit at the same table with him, so I went to the coffee table instead. Went he was done with his own dinner, he then came over to the coffee table and sat down. I was abit scared at what he might do next to show that he was angry with me. and I was right. He placed his legs on the table, infront of my bowl. I carn say anything but to continue eating…
I dunnoe what kind of sis am i..a sister that can be so afraid of her own younger siblings. A sister who daren’t say a thing infront of them. A sister who dare not even scold them lest there get angry with her.
tag: Can I still be myself ?
the story ends like this;
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