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(Thursday, September 24, 2009-)
+11:43:00 PM]*
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It happened again…why boy? Why do you always have to do this to me? why ?
Went tampinese mall with my father and my brother. Intention was to buy dvds(my father’s hobby) to add on to my father’s collection. However, we started shopping for other stuffs instead…hahaha and in the end, we kids bought more stuffs than my dad at the expense of my dad…=))
Just as when we were out looking for my sis’s desired watch, I saw him smiling to himself and I wonder why. When he helped my sis to choose a colour, I saw him frowning and thinking rather hard on which was the best of the best and I wonder why. when my sis had finally make her choice, I saw my father giggling to himself while admiring that watch like a small boy who have just got himself some sweets. And I wonder why again.
It was when we were on the bus heading home, I overheard my father saying this, “they are smiling again, like those time when they were still young. “
I finally understood what it meant by being poor and yet contented with everything they have..my father bought nothing for himself but a cap and yet he could smile like he had won millions. Can I be like him? I really dunnoe…
Reach home and he said he was tired…with less than 30 minutes, he had already hit the pillow and went lala land…I dunnoe why I was starring at him sleeping…I suddenly miss him…miss him a lot....he was just right there infront of me but I wished he was up talking and laughing like he did just now…my throat then starts to ache and it hurts from all the holding back of tears. Strode back to my room to cool down and started reaching out to my phone.and that’s when it starts to happen…
“u good lorhh…hais…*yawns* I want also dun have…” lh said. I did not know what to say but to laugh lightly and said “u have a new shirt too didn’t you?” . it turn out that he wasn’t happy for me but was eating away all my happiness.that little happiness I seldom get, that little happiness I missed so much was gone. He wasn’t happy for me, he wasn’t talking to me nicely, he wasn’t enjoying whatever I was telling him and he…wasn’t contented with what he is having.
All this time, he was comparing me with himself…all these time, he was comparing others with himself…
I did all I can to make you happy, slog my guts out to earn that little money for ur smile…killed thousands of brain cells for your laughters…sacrifice my time for the promises I made to you. what more do you want partner?
All I want was just a pair of ears to hear me whenever I have sorrows to pour…all I want was just your smoothing lips to comfort me whenever I was feeling unhappy…all I want was just your assuring arms to make me feel safe whenever I felt threatened..all I want was just your guiding hands to wipe the tears whenever my eyes start draining… and all I want was your warm heart to melt the heart that was living in me…
The apologies u gave, hurt me more than what it should not be doing…the tone u gave was so cold that I could not help bt to shut my eyes and count silently…counting for you to stop hurting me…
tag:doureallyloveme ♥
the story ends like this;
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