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(Tuesday, September 22, 2009-)
+11:11:00 PM]*
# emotionally unstable-
Yesterday had an argument with ahh pui too. i no longer know how to live my life in a proper way anymore. We don’t seem to love in peace anymore and I wonder what’s going to happen to us in the long run. Just as when I was near the breaking point I suddenly realise that there was no one there keeping a lookout for me but God. Yesterday pastor Roger dropped me a bomb from which im yet recovering from it..he asked “are you a Christian?”. I could still remember how long and hard I had starred at him..i do not know the answer. I do not know where to derive an answer and till now, I am still unsure. All I know was, I know im a sinner and I need Jesus Christ to save me and for my part, I have to admit my sins to God and repent from it. What was stopping me from saying a “yes” to pastor Roger was because of the fact that I know deep in my heart I have not repent from a sin I have been committing whenever I have the chance to. Ever since yesterday, I have been feeling unwell emotionally.
I think im losing it fast…the last thing I would do on earth has happened too. Had an argument with hyperstar too. Do not know if this is fated or not, we were not able to meet up because we were all busy with our own stuffs. and today, I blew it away. It was just these pure few seconds and everything was gone. Feelings and emotions, all blown away. However, I did not regret doing what I had done today because I no longer want to hide the doubts and question marks in my heart anymore. Had flashbacks repeatedly now about us having fun and laughters together at Zee’s house. I really miss those times we shared my dear friend. When I send those message to you, I was already tearing like nobody’s business but I got no choice. Because I could not take it anymore and I do not want to lie any further to you. My dear friend, I am sorry. I do not deserve any apologies from you because Im in no position to accept it. And yet, you were the one asking for a halt to everything and I teared again. if you were here right here now, I will tell you that everything it’s over now…
Met up with a friend today…bought me sweets just to cheer me up and I was touched by his simple gesture. But I know that this feeling and treatment I am getting would be only for today. This is how my life works…whatever it is, i am still glad it happened to me once upon a time.
School starting and I really dread that day to come and all I pray now is for me to move on and lead a happy and meaningful life according to God’s wishes.
What a day..
the story ends like this;
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