You typedd*:
blog
(Sunday, September 27, 2009-)
+10:47:00 PM]*
# felt pain..again-
[rewinding back to saturday]
Went out with ahh pui today..but things didn’t go smoothly as well…I realised that we have not been talking nicely for more than one day le..dunnoe why…
It most probably boils down to the problem we had communicating with one another. I have tried talking to you in various ways le…but u dun seem to be trying…what can I do then?
[sunday]
Woke up at one in the afternoon…Didn’t go church cos I was tired…second reason was bcos I felt feverish and my throat aint normal..
Didn’t do much today but just help out my dad abit and went back to sleep at 4 again…die mann my system..something wrong with the programming..
Ahh pui was with me when I took my dog out for a walk…gave me some cough medicines and we chatted like for abt 20 mins like that and I left for home..what a short period of time we got huhh?
Just now played poker cards with my dad and siblings…lost 5 rounds in a row…and they were laughing like mad cows ..very funny mehh…
So now here I am..toking to my lappy..wl
Tag:willthisgettbetterinthelongrun? ♥
the story ends like this;
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(Thursday, September 24, 2009-)
+11:43:00 PM]*
# -
It happened again…why boy? Why do you always have to do this to me? why ?
Went tampinese mall with my father and my brother. Intention was to buy dvds(my father’s hobby) to add on to my father’s collection. However, we started shopping for other stuffs instead…hahaha and in the end, we kids bought more stuffs than my dad at the expense of my dad…=))
Just as when we were out looking for my sis’s desired watch, I saw him smiling to himself and I wonder why. When he helped my sis to choose a colour, I saw him frowning and thinking rather hard on which was the best of the best and I wonder why. when my sis had finally make her choice, I saw my father giggling to himself while admiring that watch like a small boy who have just got himself some sweets. And I wonder why again.
It was when we were on the bus heading home, I overheard my father saying this, “they are smiling again, like those time when they were still young. “
I finally understood what it meant by being poor and yet contented with everything they have..my father bought nothing for himself but a cap and yet he could smile like he had won millions. Can I be like him? I really dunnoe…
Reach home and he said he was tired…with less than 30 minutes, he had already hit the pillow and went lala land…I dunnoe why I was starring at him sleeping…I suddenly miss him…miss him a lot....he was just right there infront of me but I wished he was up talking and laughing like he did just now…my throat then starts to ache and it hurts from all the holding back of tears. Strode back to my room to cool down and started reaching out to my phone.and that’s when it starts to happen…
“u good lorhh…hais…*yawns* I want also dun have…” lh said. I did not know what to say but to laugh lightly and said “u have a new shirt too didn’t you?” . it turn out that he wasn’t happy for me but was eating away all my happiness.that little happiness I seldom get, that little happiness I missed so much was gone. He wasn’t happy for me, he wasn’t talking to me nicely, he wasn’t enjoying whatever I was telling him and he…wasn’t contented with what he is having.
All this time, he was comparing me with himself…all these time, he was comparing others with himself…
I did all I can to make you happy, slog my guts out to earn that little money for ur smile…killed thousands of brain cells for your laughters…sacrifice my time for the promises I made to you. what more do you want partner?
All I want was just a pair of ears to hear me whenever I have sorrows to pour…all I want was just your smoothing lips to comfort me whenever I was feeling unhappy…all I want was just your assuring arms to make me feel safe whenever I felt threatened..all I want was just your guiding hands to wipe the tears whenever my eyes start draining… and all I want was your warm heart to melt the heart that was living in me…
The apologies u gave, hurt me more than what it should not be doing…the tone u gave was so cold that I could not help bt to shut my eyes and count silently…counting for you to stop hurting me…
tag:doureallyloveme ♥
the story ends like this;
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(Wednesday, September 23, 2009-)
+11:34:00 PM]*
# watch/joke of the day?-
I was feeling very dejected since yesterday night. Manage to hit the pillow at 4 plus in the morning and woke up with a terrible headache. I was woken up at by my father’s cough at 12 plus and felt this peace around me. funny huhh?
There was about 8 missed calls the moment I switch on my phones and yes, I was very happy to see that it was all from ahh pui =) received messages from him too but I was too upset to reply or even look at his messages. I guess I was still angry with him over that particular matter the day before yesterday.
However, just as when I was out to buy lunch for my dad, I saw this funny looking guy at another end peeping at me -_-“..yes .. it was him…and I thought he had left already!!i do not know whether to laugh or to scowl at him at that moment and hahaha…I left. well I forgave him in the end, lucky him and my dad invited him in to watch movies with us..but he was not yet sparred alright..i hit him and scare him while all of us were watching horror movie…(Japan version: one missed call)hahahahah…(ehh, u deserve It horhh) =p
Okay enough about that =p. lets talk about my father…
my father damn cute today, he bought a new watch for my mum and for himself yesterday and he was very proud of it. How do I know? Well since the time I woke up, he have been bragging to me and asking for my comments about the watch he bought for himself "this watch very nice horhh? i buy want lehh "…zzz he was so proud of that watch to such extent that he actually talk about that particular watch history while we were watching “saw”, "do you noe that this watch was such a beauty on 17...blah blah". Hahaha so u have guessed huhhh? I was not able to concentrate at all-_-
he could not stop at all you noe? He actually wore that watch out to dinner with the family and he kept asking my sis and my bro about how it look on him…and yahh…my mum stopped him by asking him this…”is your watch that beautiful till u forgot that u had your boxer on out?”
hahaha….funny him =)
12:03am already,
And I am watching “the moment of truth" series on tv . it was very interesting and fun to watch too…but if it were to be me…I would not have the guts to play it because this game was not about winning the money anymore but more on hurting the people u love around you.
agree right…ohh yahh..my mum was very amused by this message she received today...and she shared it with us all...(aint english a hard subject to learn?FILL IN THE BLANKS BELOW WITH A 'YES' OR A 'NO'"ohh____, i am a pig" )well.....
the story ends like this;
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(Tuesday, September 22, 2009-)
+11:11:00 PM]*
# emotionally unstable-
Yesterday had an argument with ahh pui too. i no longer know how to live my life in a proper way anymore. We don’t seem to love in peace anymore and I wonder what’s going to happen to us in the long run. Just as when I was near the breaking point I suddenly realise that there was no one there keeping a lookout for me but God. Yesterday pastor Roger dropped me a bomb from which im yet recovering from it..he asked “are you a Christian?”. I could still remember how long and hard I had starred at him..i do not know the answer. I do not know where to derive an answer and till now, I am still unsure. All I know was, I know im a sinner and I need Jesus Christ to save me and for my part, I have to admit my sins to God and repent from it. What was stopping me from saying a “yes” to pastor Roger was because of the fact that I know deep in my heart I have not repent from a sin I have been committing whenever I have the chance to. Ever since yesterday, I have been feeling unwell emotionally.
I think im losing it fast…the last thing I would do on earth has happened too. Had an argument with hyperstar too. Do not know if this is fated or not, we were not able to meet up because we were all busy with our own stuffs. and today, I blew it away. It was just these pure few seconds and everything was gone. Feelings and emotions, all blown away. However, I did not regret doing what I had done today because I no longer want to hide the doubts and question marks in my heart anymore. Had flashbacks repeatedly now about us having fun and laughters together at Zee’s house. I really miss those times we shared my dear friend. When I send those message to you, I was already tearing like nobody’s business but I got no choice. Because I could not take it anymore and I do not want to lie any further to you. My dear friend, I am sorry. I do not deserve any apologies from you because Im in no position to accept it. And yet, you were the one asking for a halt to everything and I teared again. if you were here right here now, I will tell you that everything it’s over now…
Met up with a friend today…bought me sweets just to cheer me up and I was touched by his simple gesture. But I know that this feeling and treatment I am getting would be only for today. This is how my life works…whatever it is, i am still glad it happened to me once upon a time.
School starting and I really dread that day to come and all I pray now is for me to move on and lead a happy and meaningful life according to God’s wishes.
What a day..
the story ends like this;
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(Friday, September 18, 2009-)
+12:56:00 AM]*
# *FUMING away...-
Was supposed to meet ahh pui in the morning but it turns out that I was up early and he was still in his lala land. Was fuming mad at him and text-ed him straight asking him where he was and told him the ‘date’ is off.
Was pretty angry because we had it brainstorm the whole night and I finally found us something to do.
2 pm..woke up at that time and was wondering if this time slot would be activated in my autobrain alarm. Wasn’t suppose to wake up so late and I got myself tummy sores and realised that my ‘aunt’ has come. Gee…no wonder my moods turn so dramatically. Sitted at the couch doing nothing but treating my lovely eyes to some graphics show.
It was boring and so I decided to give ahh pui a call, kinda miss him mahh. But end up hanging up his call again. i don’t know why I get agitated so easily at him(poor baby) and I even replied him a nasty message. I felt so bad afterwards and text him again apologising him. I did not want to call him because I was afraid to hear the stupid voice box message tone at the end of it. =(
11pm, no message from him…I got pretty worried as I thought something crops up at his house and he ran out alone again without his phone. Text him just to try my luck and after severl minutes, he replied! It turns out that he did not receive my msg…zzz..
Still having stomach cramps and my ears jus refuse to give me a break with all that nerves pulling. SIGH- NO ear plugs for my ears,
- NO cold water,
- NO chocolates,
- NO spicy foods and
- NO ice creams =((
Quite late ald but I still wanna rush this up for ahh pui to read..am so looking forward to tml’s family dinner with him =)
the story ends like this;
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