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(Thursday, February 10, 2011-)
+4:44:00 PM]*
# future seem so far...-
Tell me...what should i do...i cant do anything right...and...never will I....
the story ends like this;
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(Monday, February 7, 2011-)
+6:44:00 PM]*
# Please dun Abandon me...-
i thought the emotional tortures would somehow come to an end as the days goes by. but it seems to get worse everynight...
every single word that * has said, just kept running through my mind like a spoiled radio tape... and no matter how hard i tried to stop it...it never did.
atlast, i saw *car...for the first time, i wasnt paying attention to any black cars that ran passed...but * car ran passed very slowly just in time for me to look out of the window...but no matter how slow it went, i never get to see *.
Dear merciful Lord,
please hear my cries and help me...i can never deal with this alone...I really need your help...i really couldnt understand the things You are doing and i Know i should have faith and belief in you no matter what happens. But the blows just kept coming and coming every single hour every day...Please, show me the way....show me how i should i be dealing them...
i noe, everything its over...its all gone...but my heart isnt over with it...im still in dreadful pain...why...why does it have to be *?...i really dun understand...
Pastor Huang is with You now...all the hardships and pain he has been struggling with is finally over...i want to go up too...are there other sufferings still waiting ahead for me?
I need you Lord...talk to me..please...they are all gone. gone. wsid
Amen
the story ends like this;
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(Friday, February 4, 2011-)
+11:41:00 PM]*
# didnt get any better...-
If you still know that nothing has been changed in my life, would you ask me to forget you?u would probably think im crazy and sick in the mind...
thought i saw him there at the coffee shop...that guy, with that same hairstyle...folded his arms exactly like u...slouched in the chair with his legs spread open...and the shirt that guy wore...were in acid wash colour...just like yours...despite all these similarities, there is just this one thing about that guy that told me it couldnt have been you...that place...you would never step into that place at all...
though im here being stupid and foolish all over again...i know...you are happy with your new life...
i want to have u remove....but it is not working with me. ...why.......
the story ends like this;
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(Sunday, January 30, 2011-)
+6:55:00 PM]*
# i received the message...-
It came again..but this time...my eyes didnt rain...sat on my bed pondering...and asked why....but i know, that is all i can get till this point...
dreamt of Him coming to my house....invited me to go on 'sky train' ride with him and the others....but apparently, she will be there....didnt seem to asked why he finally came back but i could remember every single thoughts that ran through my mind when he sat next to me, starring straight...
i thought to myself that he is finally back...and i asked, if i were dreaming again...
it happened too fast that i didnt want to spoil everything but to remain silent while he told me that there is this girl he had met recently...i cried.....
He went into my room and he saw the things stack at a corner....his face...the expression i failed to see with the light shining behind him...all i could see was him standing at the doorway, looking at me....
i guess, he should be happy with his life right now, though family couldnt seem to give him that happiness, i suppose she would be able to give him whatever he lacks in his life....
the story ends like this;
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(Sunday, January 9, 2011-)
+6:46:00 PM]*
# I want to be free Lord...-
it has been so long....everyday seems to be hell for me...But if not for God, i do not think i will be able to put on a smile...When will I be able to walk out of this nightmare....just when....
the story ends like this;
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(Friday, January 7, 2011-)
+8:32:00 PM]*
# Let me smile will you?-
I know nothing at first....i couldnt hear a thing...i wasnt able to see properly...andi wasnt able to believe...the perfect love it once was...the happy moments that was created...the safe zone I was once in...andthe heart i thought i had...if I had listen...if I had seen all of it more clearly...if I knew how everything would end...andif this is really love...I'll rather not be loved by anyone...clutching tightly to the pain left in me...gripping for that last hope left...yearning for it to recover...and...still keeping your smiles within me...why...why bother to step into my life...why bother to make me smile so happily and make me cry so hard in the end...why bother to dry my tears with your bare hands and make me live with grieve?why promise me your life protection when u had decided to leave me alone forever?
the story ends like this;
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(Thursday, December 9, 2010-)
+7:41:00 PM]*
# im only a stepping stone away from hell....correct?-
why...of all the people it have to be you? u filled my thoughts every day, every single hour every single minute...nothing but you... never in my life have i been this affected by a silly relationship. and never in my life have i chose to let it affect me.
i dunnoe if it is the work of my mind or... but i just want to go to sleep everytime i got nothing to do... i realized, i am more happy when im dreaming...i realized you were there beside me every night....
have been getting discouraged most of the time when im home, the time when i had nothing to do, nothing to occupy my mind with something else.....realized im the only fool waiting for something extraordinary to happen....just when....just when will all of this comes to an end?
hated the sight of my phone as the days goes by...hated it a lot more than i thought....hated it till it scares me....i dare not wake up to the day you leave me...dare not open my eyes to shed tears again...dare not think about you even if it means remembering you...dare not mention your name at any point of time or even dare to continue the conversation talking about you....as long as it concerns you, it will just left me stranded...left me staring into space, wondering, why are you in my life in the first place............
would i rather a sweet lie about you loving me? or the cruel truth about you not needing me anymore? i do not know......need your help real badly....but i cant rely on you anymore...
the story ends like this;
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